Back to School!

Okay, folks. Summer’s more than officially over and although I’ve refused to hang up my battered silver Havaianas, I have broken out my new olive green anorak. Too bad I hardly get to wear it since I’m (ah!) wearing nothing but my chef’s uniform these days!

YES. THAT’S RIGHT! I’ve started CULINARY SCHOOL!

Yesterday was my first day and what a doozy. I was literally on my feet from 8:30am until I crawled onto a wooden bench on the 6 train platform at 3:45pm (stood while eating lunch too). My body was pretty banged up from that, but I think I’ll get used to it soon enough. The hideous Merrells on my feet really helped out, but even those started to hurt me after Hour Four. Speaking of hideous, I look like a mutant, crazed, large headed gnome in my stupid cap, but I suppose I’ll get over it.

Alright, I have to tackle this post in an organized fashion because there’s a lot to report, but I don’t have all night. I’ve got some recipes to write down for class tomorrow (it’s stock day!). So here are the answers to most of the questions I’ve been asked:

What’d you do your first day?

Well, yesterday was full of a lot of introductions, to students, chef instructors, our tool kit, and various areas of the kitchen. The tool kit is pretty much every tool you need to stock a kitchen. It’s amazing! A few of the supplies in the kit include a full knife set, pepper mill, TWO different balloon whisks, TWO different peelers, pastry tips, dough scraper, tongs, kitchen shears, various spoons and spatulas, trussing needle, thermometer, melon baller, and much, much more. So much in fact that the damn thing weighs about 15 lbs.

The main focus of the day was taillage, a lovely French word meaning cutting/cuts. That’s knife skills to you. We learned various cuts, many of which measure 1/16th of an inch and God help you if you don’t get it justttt right…well, actually nothing happens, not yet anyway. You just get a vaguely disdainful snort from a very tall French man. The little batons (called jardiniere) gave me the most trouble as the cross section has to be a perfect square, which is a lot harder to achieve than you’d think. I thought knife skills were my strength until I started on the cocotte, a 2 inch long almost perfectly smooth football carved out of a potato/carrot/turnip/what have you. FOOTBALL out of a POTATO. Difficult. Sliced thumbs. Oy.

We also covered a couple of methods of cooking vegetables. Nothing crazy so I won’t go into detail. Let’s just say I’ve never been so scared of accidentally browning vegetables in my life.

What’d you do your second day?

Today included practicing the things we did yesterday and then a lengthy lecture on food handling safety and food-borne illnesses, which would have been a little boring if not for the hilarious(ly adorable) anecdotes by Chef T. (different from our regular chef instructor, Chef M., who is neither hilarious nor adorable, but rather intimidating and handsome and intimidatingly handsome; there’s also the assistant chef instructor, Chef L. who is also rather intimidating). Basically the lecture made me want to freeze or boil every food item I come into contact with and to never eat chicken again. I’m sure I’ll get over it. Lots of talk of “danger zones” (cue Top Gun montage) in terms of temperatures for bacteria growth and human excrement making its way into your edibles. Mmmmm, delicious.

At the end of the day I attended a fabulous demo (the first of many) by the world famous chef, André Soltner, the executive chef of the four star (now closed) Lutèce for over 30 years. He made an incredible potato pie, aka “Heart Attack Pie” according to Chef Lee Anne Wong (yes, THAT Lee Anne Wong, of Top Chef fame, she is an alum of and works at FCI, love her). Imagine flaky pastry layered with potatoes, bacon, hard boiled egg, creme fraiche, and herbs and then more potatoes, bacon, hard boiled egg, creme fraiche, and herbs. Unbelievable. That was followed by fried carp beignets with a sauce gribiche (like a fancy tartar sauce) and a shredded apple tart for dessert with a caramel cream sauce. An Alsatian feast by a beloved, delightful chef. AH! I LOVE MY LIFE.

How are your fellow students?

So far they’ve been great. Everyone seems super enthusiastic, hard working, polite, and kind. Ages seem to range from 18 to mid-30s so there’s an amusing mix of those who are still desperately trying to find themselves, those who found themselves and are looking to make some revisions, and everything in between.

There are, of course, a few harmlessly annoying types, but they haven’t detracted from the experience yet. The professional backgrounds vary widely from people who have never worked in the food industry (comme moi) to those who have worked in it for years. Past professions left in the dust include jobs in law (comme moi, yes, I finally let the cat outta the BAG), accounting, sales, and jewelry.

Anything else you wanna mention?

I’m having an amazing time, although it’s really tough work, much tougher than I can describe. I’ll try my best to report what I do each day. It should be a treat for both you and me so STAY TUNED!
PS – On a slightly serious note, I’d like to give a big grateful shout out to all the friends and family that have been so supportive of my…everything the past year as I struggled to find my way. I love you all very, very much, even if I don’t say it…ever.